I tend to get a little bit maudlin at Christmas, maybe it's because the kids are beyond kids now and the new traditions with a new partner are still yet to be defined. It's always been a balancing act but is even more so now in a blended family when not everyone gets along. So we try and make the best of things despite some tension at times. If I had a Christmas wish it would be that all six of the kids got along and things didn't feel so uncomfortable when they are together. Not sure whether that will ever happen.
This year though I have come to Christmas Eve with the knoweldge that my job may not continue in the New Year. Directors and owners are arguing over the spoils and the company direction seemingly oblivious to the fact that they have fucked up a lot of peoples Christmases this year. Worse yet is that they have not given us the courtesy of an explanation. I think that even if it does go forward it is not likely that many of my colleagues will stick things out. And nor should anyone when they get treated this poorly.
So the melancholy simmers and the presents, such as they are, go unwrapped, because some of the family have missed out this year. With no guarantee that I will be getting paid in January we have had to curtail spending so that we have enough aside to cover the mortgage.
And I have to admit this first year without Mum has things looking different as well.
I know there are people in way worse places than we are and I can only imagine their despair if these lousy feelings are anything to go by. But this too shall pass. The New Year will bring new opportunities and I have already started applying for other roles. Something will come up.