It's only around 9 weeks to Christmas and the year has flown, admittedly a lot has happened - new house, lost job, new job, new dog, overseas holiday. But the rush of years continues apace.
Somewhere I read of the major measurements of stress and when I look back over the past four years they're pretty much all there - death of a parent, collapse of a marriage, shift of house, sacking from a job. I look at that and wonder sometimes how I've still ended up relatively sane. And I look in the mirror and see an older man, greyer, more wrinkled and more tired at times. But for all that I feel that I have changed for the better in many ways. I am a better communicator, although in saying that I've lost people along the way who I do care about. I understand the neceesity of change because it does lead to growth. So whilst there have been times of incredible sadness, there has also been great happiness. For someone who did lock himself away for so long these changes are ones I intend to continue to embrace.
Over the past six months I've let the blogging slip. Firstly because of the negative comments and secondly because I'd simply lost time. I also worried about having it exposed when I was looking for work. It was bad enough that there were articles out there telling the story of my sacking and former employers out there spreading false stories about the nature of my departure.
And I let the anger take hold. I was angry with lots of people and I've come to realise that I cannot change what any of them say or do. Whatever is said about me to other people by other people is their problem and not something I can control. I've lost a lot of friends through no desire of mine and that's also made me angry. I suppose that is something I simply have to accept given that it is also again out of my control. So there are some days when the anger ages me, when I feel the weight and rush of years far more than others. And days when reflection is worthwhile and I suppose others when it is nothing more than a burden to bear until the next good day dawns.
So in the spirit of a midlife moment and at the risk of boring people with an old post may I point you to this one - In the Blink of an Eye
And here is a song for the moment as well.