Saturday, October 18, 2008

Blink of an eye revisited

It's only around 9 weeks to Christmas and the year has flown, admittedly a lot has happened - new house, lost job, new job, new dog, overseas holiday.   But the rush of years continues apace.  

Somewhere I read of the major measurements of stress and when I look back over the past four years they're pretty much all there - death of a parent, collapse of a marriage, shift of house, sacking from a job.   I look at that and wonder sometimes how I've still ended up relatively sane.   And I look in the mirror and see an older man, greyer, more wrinkled and more tired at times.   But for all that I feel that I have changed for the better in many ways.   I am a better communicator, although in saying that I've lost people along the way who I do care about.  I understand the neceesity of change because it does lead to growth.   So whilst there have been times of incredible sadness, there has also been great happiness.  For someone who did lock himself away for so long these changes are ones I intend to continue to embrace.

Over the past six months I've let the blogging slip.  Firstly because of the negative comments and secondly because I'd simply lost time.   I also worried about having it exposed when I was looking for work.  It was bad enough that there were articles out there telling the story of my sacking and former employers out there spreading false stories about the nature of my departure. 

And I let the anger take hold.  I was angry with lots of people and I've come to realise that I cannot change what any of them say or do.  Whatever is said about me to other people by other people is their problem and not something I can control.   I've lost a lot of friends through no desire of mine and that's also made me angry.    I suppose that is something I simply have to accept given that it is also again out of my control.   So there are some days when the anger ages me, when I feel the weight and rush of years far more than others.   And days when reflection is worthwhile and I suppose others when it is nothing more than a burden to bear until the next good day dawns.

So in the spirit of a midlife moment and at the risk of boring people with an old post may I point you to this one  - In the Blink of an Eye

And here is a song for the moment as well.

7 comments:

Peter (Worldman): said...

But you come out great of all this. You are strengthened in many ways. Bad tongues are always around. No problem, bite them. Loosing friends hurts, but you will find other ones. And each Grey hair has made you wiser.

terri said...

I admire your ability to let go of the things over which you have not control. And I also like that you can admit that at times, some of those very things still weigh you down. It's humor nature, I think. The difficult times and people can never be completely erased from your memory, but you can move on in spite of them.

Loz said...

Hi Peter - I must be very wise indeed then :)

Loz said...

Terri I think that I struggle to let go of things at times. That is why writing about them helps.

Jen said...

Hi Laurie,

I actually didn't know you were still writing on this blog. Have just started to catch up over here.

It's so right that we cannot change another. We can only change ourself. Others in the most part are out of our control. They are on their own journey.

You and only you can know your authentic self. You know what has been right and what has been wrong.

People enter our lives for lots of different reasons. I know it hurts when we lose some of those people. For whatever reason. Perhaps their journey in our life is finished. The lesson was given. What did they and we learn?

Be open to the new coming in. New people, new opportunities. Whole new life paths.

Take care friend.

Jen x

Anonymous said...

Wow two years ago this...

How times contines on hey?

Guess the other thing I would add that I learnt quite a number of years ago from a Life Coach is that..

"What other people think of us is none of our business."

I love that quote and have drawn on it often. We can't help what other people say or think about us, but if we live as authentically as we can, that shows others the worth of us.

We have to believe the universe (or God if you like) will take care of the rest.

Each and every one of us is on our own journey.

All things happen for a reason. Tests, challenges, struggles, joy. Makes us better people I would hope. And hopefully is progressing us along on that universal journey.

Surely so!

Jen

Loz said...

Funny how when we are in the moment we don't notice the time passing - it's only on looking back that we realise how far we have come.