Sunday, January 20, 2008

Carol's Blogging Meme

This meme came to me from Rod at Inside Rod's Head and his lovely lady Beth at My Moon Rising I think it originated with Carol at "My View of it". Before I get into it let me apologise for not getting to it sooner. I've been slack at getting around to answering tags for the past couple of months mainly due to lack of time. But better late than never I guess.

I thought that in answering this meme that I would re-visit some of my older posts to give some context to my comments and to show some of the key points of the journey over the last year.

In order to embrace the new, we must release the old.
I want you (and me) to reflect upon what you did, how you felt, what you liked, what you didn’t and what you learned.
This is my Blogging Meme to you, (and the last of the year for me :)

1. What did I learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc.)

I learnt a lot about myself. It was a long and wearying year in many ways when the boy inside the man discovered reasons why he is who he is. It was a year of exploration and of questioning, one in which self esteem suffered badly and then recovered. I am a different person at the start of 2008 than I was at the start of 2007.

I wrote about some of the challenges in these posts -

There Are Doors

The Flutter of Butterflies Wings

Choices

Masks

I am afraid!

2. What did I accomplish?

Professionally I was named Basketball Victoria Administrator of the Year for the second year running. The Association I work for was named both the State and National Association of the Year. On that front, therefore, there was not much more to achieve.

On a personal front I challenged some demons and came out the other end.

Of Guilt and Other Just Desserts

The Beginning

3. What would I have done differently?

I'm not sure that changing anything would have altered any outcomes. If there was one thing I had to name it is that honesty i the best policy, even if it hurts in the short term.

Quandaries and Rhetorical Questions

4. What did I complete or release?

More than anything I came to terms with the relationship I had with my father. I would not say that it is complete, simply that I have come a long way towards understanding his love for me and mine for him.

A Drink of Water

4. (cont): What still feels incomplete to me?

My relationship with my kids is still incomplete, or maybe what I really mean is that it is still evolving outside the family unit they were born into.

Bad Jokes Good Father?

Dreams and Laughter

The Inevitability of Hurt

It's Easy to Judge

Cats in the Cradle

Red Letter Day

5. What were the most significant events of the year past? List the top three.

That's a hard one. I think the realisation that I needed to make a decision to move on was the most significant because it meant that my family could to.

Making a decision to move in with someone else.

The re-establishment of a relationship with my daughters in particular. I now take them out for dinner once a week and I am not glad to say that probably means I am spending more actual quality one on one time with them in that few hours each week than I did when we lived under the same roof.

Wonder

6. What did I do right?
I have to put this into the context of Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements" and my attempts to ensure that I live by those four tenets.

Be Impeccable with your word

Don't take anything personally

Don't make assumptions

Always do your best

6. (cont.) What do I feel especially good about?

About my attempts to do my best. Plenty of failures along the way and likely more to come but I am trying to be a good person and I have learnt that lying inevitably hurts.

6. (cont.) What was my greatest contribution?

I'm not sure there was one.

7. What were the fun things I did?

Had a month with my son around July when he decided to come and stay with me.

There was an indulgent holiday to Tasmania.

(cont.) What were the not-so-fun?

8. What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?

More than anything the finalisation of the old family unit with all it's hurt and judgement and guilt.

And So They Judge

Where the past can explain nothing

9. How am I different this year than last?

I like to think I have recaptured a sense of wonder that got lost somewhere along the way. My own fault entirely and not an uncommon one for a man in midlife.

A Boy's Life

The Passage

10. For what am I particularly grateful?

My Mum, my sisters, my kids and the new lady in my life.

Mothers Day

From My Sister

**************************************************

So there it is. A brief journey through my past year.

And one final thing I am grateful for, dear readers, is the contribution you have all made to that journey through your comments and your support. I have appreciated that the foibles and weaknesses I have spoken about at length have been listened to and been met with a non-judgmental attitude. I have not been the best of persons throughout my life. I have hurt people and deceived some. I have done my best on days when that best has not been very good. I hope that I have learnt some valuable lessons and that in future the memories of the hurt will be overtaken by the memories of good times. I have no idea if friends read this blog or not, but if they do then may I say that I am sorry I have not been the best of friends and I hope that you will forgive that too.

I am no hero. I am an ordinary bloke who has made mistakes. Perhaps somewhere along the way I have been able to reveal some of those mistakes and I would like to believe that some people may have come to know me better and perhaps even learnt some lessons of their own through what I have written here.

Because this is meant to be a New Years meme I will not tag anyone here. I'll leave it up to you. If you choose to undertake this meme then please let me know.

11 comments:

Gypsy said...

WOW Loz, It is almost midnight and I am really, really tired but your words somehow made their way through the fog and have blown me away. I will be back tomorrow to read the linked posts, just in case they are before my time...haha. I am PROUD to call you my blogging friend.

Gypsy said...

Just to show you how tired I am, it took 4 go's before I could get the word verification right. Bloody thing....

Beth said...

I think you did a wonderful job my dear friend - on the meme and in real life. Thank you for sharing with all of us...

Blur Ting said...

It's a really insightful post. As usual, you have put alot of thought and effort into your post, a sign of a truly dedicated person. Through your blog, you have not only shared your journey but you've constantly taught us not to make some mistakes that you have done. Always a pleasure to read and reminisce with you.

Anonymous said...

I am always grateful you share your journey with us. And as I have said before you have so many times sent me on my own personal journey. We have gone through so many similar things, grown up at the same time, so many parallels. You give me different ways to look at things.
Oh, and also it is not just all you share but the way you share it. You are such a beautiful writer, great wordsmith and it is always a joy to read what you write.
Have a super year Laurie.

Jen xxx

Loz said...

Hi Gypsy I hope you didn't stay up too late.

Beth - you're welcome and thanks for being along for the ride.

Blur - I hope people don't make the same mistakes I do, but suspect many may anyway - we all have to find our own way.

Jen - I appreciate your comments and am humbled that you think that way about my writing.

WaterLearner said...

A very good post. It really shows how much effort you have put into doing this meme. Great read. Thanks for sharing your life!

WaterLearner said...

BTW, I forgot to say this. I am really glad I found your good blog!

Will surely see me around for sure. I like the honesty of your posts!

Loz said...

Hi Waterlearner - welcome and thank you for the visit.

Carol said...

Hi Loz,
Well I am blown away to put it mildly. You were so honest and open with this Meme. I know it was difficult but you made it through. Congrats on moving on and letting go....very difficult.

Gypsy said...

Hi again, I have just read ALL of the linked posts and found them to be very honest, sometimes raw and always touching. You are only human Loz and humans make mistakes from time to time. For what it's worth, I think you are a very worthwhile human being with a kind and caring heart.