Wednesday, November 7, 2007

To Absent Friends


When I started blogging I really had little idea about the blogging "community". I didn't know that you could make friends online in this manner, nor did I understand that I would come to care about the people I've met and value the interaction I have with them.

But there does seem to be a type of evolution that occurs with personal blogs, and I make a clear distinction here between those who do blog personally as opposed to those who do it in an effort to make money. I make no real judgement on the latter, but I must admit that those who constantly sign up friends in the various communities [like blogcatalog and mybloglog] simply so they can send out bulk emails to people, do tend to grate on me. There's one bloke who has taken to commenting lately who simply says on each post that he has a new post as well. That sort of thing won't encourage me to visit him unless he begins to make a genuine effort and contribution to the discussion. I guess I'll put up with that for a little while, maybe he's new and hasn't worked out the etiquette yet. You know who you are! But back to the evolution question.

People who discover blogging seem in some cases to throw themselves headlong into it, posting everyday, trying to keep their blog live so people keep coming back. At some stage, perhaps after a few months, the number of posts taper off and the pressure to continually post eases off. And that's OK for those of us who are loyal readers, we understand the time constraints that impose themselves and how other things in life begin to re-assert themselves. But what happens when people disappear?

After almost daily contact, where do those who delete their blogs, or simply stop posting go? Do they just get busy, or lose the desire? I like to think that maybe blogging has served it's purpose, that the community created and interacted with was able to fill a void, maybe offer advice that was worthwhile, so that those people can move forward in their lives with a little more confidence than they once had, or at least with some extra knowledge that will serve them in good stead.

But for you absent friends who have disappeared how can we your friends thank you for being part of our lives for a little while when we can no longer contact you? Maybe one day when you return to blogging and maybe end up doing a search on your own name, or look at places that have linked to you, you'll find this post, and perhaps check in and let us know how you've been getting on.

To the following absent friends, some of whom have disappeared, others of whom have been silent for a few weeks, I thank you and wish you well. I hope one day you'll all be back.

Epi from Analysing It
Seiche
Amber from Random Magus
Goldy from Goldyworld
Wolfgang from Gazing into the Abyss
Anne from The Rest of Me
W for Wonder this one's been hijacked

Image from Emsource

45 comments:

Jod{i} said...

hmmmm...

and Holly's blog. I know she is around I just havent seen her.Although she did inform us.
I miss all those that you listed as well.
I havent the heart to delete some off my blogroll, just in case they return.
I wonder of Seiche, worry at that and just send him good thoughts across the airwaves.

It is a wonderful feeling to meet some really good people, to a make a connect, however small. It still is one.
Great post Loz!

I agree with the community aspect. I can not even sign in to bloglog anymore. I cant remember my password since they changed over. And I just dont have it in me to set up a whole new account.
Ah well...

Peace

mrsnesbitt said...

A very thought provoking post. I empathised with many of the points you made. I try to structure my blogging and enjoy ABC Wednesday when many of us post a photo with the letter of the alphabet, Friday Dot organised a skywatch, then Sunday I try to find something which I feel blessed about, again along with others. I too have many blogging friends and feel encouraged by the community feeling.
Great to meet you, through WFW.
Denise
x

awannabe said...

That is a wonderful and thoughtful post.

As for the two social networking/blogging communities, I think mybloglog is more notorious for having members spam each other. BC is
more noted for having someone add you as a friend just so you will take a peek at their blog.

As for deleting blogs, I have deleted two of them, and they are still up. Blogger filled them up with adsense ads. So a word to the wise...

Finn said...

It's sad when this happens. I closed a blog and disappeared for a while, but not without warning.

Life rushes in sometimes and overwhelms us.

Jod{i} said...

Never mind...I got it through a comment you had left...TY TY...It is on its way! Look forward to seeing you there!

Beth said...

So true my friend. I agree. I promise to sign off if I decide to leave...

Josie Two Shoes said...

Amen on this Loz, I miss some of those same folks too. If nothing else, I wish people who decide to take a leave of absence for whatever reason, would leave one post and comments open, so we could drop by and leave our regards. I can't help but wonder if they are really doing ok now or not.

Loz said...

Jodi - Holly is fine, but I'm sure she'll let you know that :)

Loz said...

mrsnesbitt - thanks for the visit and I'll add you to my technorati blog roll.

JYankee said...

yeay im the same.. i wonder about two of those you mentioned on your list.. i hope they're okay....

Gypsy said...

I don't really get into that whole blogcatalog and mybloglog thing so can't comment on that, but I do also wonder if those who go missing without warning are ok. You think to yourself that maybe something happened that is so life altering they never had a chance to say goodbye though you hope that's not the case.

Maybe this is judgemental on my part, but you do make strong connections with people and they just up and go and leave you wondering and worrying. I wish they would just leave a few brief words on their blogs to just let those of us who care know they are ok.

Ingrid said...

I feel the same way. I don't follow all the bloggers you mentioned, but I sure wonder what happened to Seiche. Amber has not been gone that long, and I trust she'll be back. And Wolfgang finally posted an update, as you know.

Hope said...

Ack...that was poignant. I too am a noob and don't feel wirter's block coming on soon. IT has been a good vehicle for self realization and more importantly making human connection. I feel like I learn something new everyday.

Jeff said...

This has been a common thought for me, too. I understand the time restraints as well. It seems I am always trying to catch up on something (my blog, my blog reads, emails, etc.). I would announce my departure, however, if I ever bow out. I even announce two week breaks.

Loz said...

awannabe - I don't really have a problem with most of the adds, but those who publish broadcasts every day asking for people to vote for them get up my nose

Loz said...

Finn and Beth - personally I hope you don't go I'd mis your support

Loz said...

Josie - the only way around it I think is to get a contact email address for those you come to care about. Not that you need to use it, but at least it's another way attempting to contact them.

Loz said...

jyankee and gypsy - if you'd told me six months ago that I would make blog friends I'd probably have laughed at you. But it's true and that means we do care when they just disappear.

Loz said...

Ingrid - I sure Amber will be back, and yes I was glad to hear Wolfgang is OK

Loz said...

Hope - welcome and I have dipped into a few of your posts and would encourage my other readers to do the same :)

Loz said...

Jeff - I'll make sure I announce things too.

Worldman said...

Your post is so true and makes a lot of sense. I fully agree. One has to make choices. First, about the sense of one's blog. Me, I do not want to become famous. Or earn money with my blog. I simply like to share things of my life or opinions. Funny and less funny ones, extraordinary ones and simple ones. I don't need to post everyday. And I can't because I don't have the time. And then, wanting to post daily puts a lot of pressure. And might make that interest in blogging is lost. Also,I would like to have a good "personal" community. I have seen blogs that have "kilometre" long list of "blogger friends". Next year I will be retired. And then I might have the time (and perhaps "wish") to make a long list. As of now, my list is limited. With friends I cherrish. You are one of them.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Great post. I am reltively new to blogging (well, duh!)...and have made some really great friends online already...but, yeah, when you don't hear from one for a while, you can't help but wonder...& hope they are OK? I appreciate so much the comments and support of the blogging community...it's funny/weird how non-bloggers just don't "get it" though...I feel sorry for them!
I really enjoy your blog Loz....always thought provoking!

mariano said...

Hi! I´m Mariano from que-curiosos.blogspot.com

I´ve made a new post!

It´s interesting, pass if you want to…

Nice blog! Bye!

Josie Two Shoes said...

You are right about the email addresses, Loz, I have them for many of my online friends. In the case of Seiche, he shut down his email account too. That really saddened me. I assume that means that for whatever reasons, he does not want to be contacted.

Pen and the Sword said...

Yes, I have found many people come and go... blogging, community venues such as MySpace, or in real life. It can be rather sad.

I had dissected my blog last month and had issues with the separation of it myself. You have no idea what it meant to me when you emailed me about the deletion of my private blog. I honestly didn't think anyone would notice or care that much. I had another blog that was very personal in nature that was just bringing out the crazies so I had to delete that one as well.

For me, my desire to keep up with posting and audiences wans and wells. One day I will feel so inspired and other days I struggle to post something... anything just to keep up on my writing skills. It can be hard sometimes.

Goldy said...

I will be back Loz... and it's nice to know I am remembered.

Dorothy said...

I agree there are different phases however, most seem to happen when life gets in the way. I've been writing in journals, note pads, scratch paper all my life. I truly have found my passion. The best part of blogging is being able to share with you and my new friends. Those who just write books have no idea of the great feelings this stuff give us.

I hope you and I and quite a few new bloggers are around a long time. By the way, I'm having problems with my site. We moved it and then had to move it back..if it gives you a hard time..keep trying..thanks Loz
I do enjoy your writing sooo mucy
Dorothy from gammology
Remember to call your grandmom...

http://grammology.com

Shinade said...

Hi Loz, I am one of the guilty ones for only visiting few and far between. For this I apologize. Because I love your blog.

I love hearing about your life and your sons and all. Please forgive me for being a slow mover and visitor.

This post really made me think as well. What does happen? I like you hope it is only a positive move. That they came.gave,received, and moved on.
Peace,
Jackie

meleah rebeccah said...

LOZ!


I know how you feel

.... I found holly, she is doing her own thing right now.

Amber / Random IS around, she is dealing with personal stuff... but she will be back SOON

as far as:

Epi from Analysing It
(i dont know him or her)


Seiche
(I have no idea and i miss him)


Goldy from Goldyworld
(REALLY miss him)

Wolfgang from Gazing into the Abyss
(miss him too)

Anne from The Rest of Me
(dont know her)

W for Wonder this one's been hijacked

(Miss her, she even did a guest post on my other blog)

*Really great post Loz*

meleah rebeccah said...

ps... i hate the spam, come read my blog with no valid content messages.

Loz said...

Peter - I also appreciate your friendship.

Olga - I am enjoying reading of your adventures and seeing the photos of the many and varied places you go ;)

Loz said...

Mariano - "you know who you are"

Loz said...

Josie - I guess it must be serious of you actually sever all ties

Loz said...

Pen - of course I noticed, I'm just glad that you're still around

Loz said...

Goldy - we'll look forward to it.

Loz said...

Dorothy - I haven't had any problems with your site yet and thank you for the kind words

Loz said...

Shinade - thank you for taking the time visit whenever you can. You don't need to apologise because you and zubli share as much link love as anyone else I've come across

Loz said...

Mel - Hope the move has gone well and you're settling in. And I count you as one of my good blogging friends too!

Blur Ting said...

Now that you've mentioned it, I do miss a couple of those bloggers there. In fact, I 'reluctantly' removed one of them from my blogroll just recently.

You're also right about the money-making blogs. I had almost given it a shot but after doing 2 blogs to earn pittance, I gave up and revert to my usual banter.

Blur Ting said...

This sounds like a silly excuse but I used to link to your blog from Holly's. I did that every single day until she suspended Remedial... So, today, I went to google your blog (Loz, midlife) and tada, it came up as the top few links. Now you're on my blogroll and I won't miss your blog ever again!

Loz said...

welcome back Blur and thanks for coming back :)

Nascar and the Canadian Curmudgeon said...

good points all..you meet many people on here.. and it opens up avenues to add to your knowledge base...I guess some become absent friends..but you still have benefited from their contact...for me as the contacts grow it gets harder to stop and visit because of time constaints...funny I was going to do a post apologising to any whose blogs I haven't visited in awhile...I guess I need some kkind of check list because my memory isn't that great...:):):)

Linda and her Surroundings said...

This is a very thoughtful post. I do have attachment to my list of bloggers and have wondered how they are when they don't post up one day.

Sueblimely said...

Hi, I am beginning to feel like one of those people who just add others to social networking sites for the sake of getting visitors.(I would never leave spammy comments though) I just have not had the time lately to visit many people. Working from home tends to blur work/leisure time. Reading this makes me realize that I must take time out for visiting and leaving comments on blogs that I like. Like you I did not appreciate the community aspect of blogging at first but now I reckon its the best bit :-) Thanks for the reminder Loz