Saturday, September 22, 2007

Not popular - Just the Watcher

I was a little flattered by a couple of the comments relating to the photo of me as a 17 year old in the Sun Days post. Actually I was very flattered because even with the David Cassidy haircut I wasn't the most popular guy in the school. In fact throughout my entire school life I had one girl friend for a period of a couple of months in Fourth Form - Year 10 in today's language.

I was actually extremely shy and had a lot of trouble even talking to girls - in fact I was one of those blokes who hung around in the background and if we were ever seen in a mixed group of boys and girls it was because the girls were usually the girlfriends of my mates not mine. There was only ever one girl who showed any interest in me and I was terrified when I was told out it. What should I do? How should I react? If I opened my mouth would she run a mile?

Thinking back on it that shyness was a huge social liability. I was scared to go to parties and when I did I tended to stand in the corner as an observer rather than as a participator. Some of you who have been following my blogs for a while will know that my Dad was an alcoholic and as a result of that I remember promising my grandmother at a very young age that I would never drink, a promise that has held true to this day. That meant that in social situations I never got to the stage where my inhibitions and hangups were ever forgotten.

From a very early age I kept a tight control on emotion and whilst my mates were doing the things that teenage boys generally did I became the Watcher. I struggled to read out loud in class when asked, and didn't put my hand up to answer any questions unless I was absolutely sure I was right and even then it terrified the life out of me. This fear of public ridicule manifested itself in a shyness so that I think I appeared more the shadow of a school kid than one the girls would look at and think I might have been worth getting to know. I wrote a post about my first kiss a few months ago and again looking back the fears associated with that never really went away.

So to the two ladies who commented on the photo, that young man from 1974 thanks you, it was a nice and unexpected ego boost. If only I knew then what I know now maybe the watchers alarm clock may have gone off a little earlier.


HollyGL said...

Hey Loz, I'm tellin' ya, I would have noticed and approached you. Not in an indimidating way as I would have sensed - and felt empathy for - your shyness. But I definitely would have made your acquaintance. ;)

Josie Two Shoes said...

The guys where I went to school weren't that damn cute, shy or not - you would have been noticed!
Funny how many of us watchers have grown up to be bloggers. :-)

Gypsy said...

Surely someone who looked as cute as you didn't go unnoticed.....those arms alone would have got my attention...insert cheeky grin here.

Believe it or not I used to be a bit shy at school too, depending on the situation, occasionally I still am though my blog would sometimes seem to refute that...:)

John F said...

Loz this reminded me of a great song by Baz. The song is titled "everybody's free to wear sunscreen". There is always so much we seem to be able to change whenever we look back.

Laurie said...

I would have definitely noticed you back then, but would not have approached you. Not because you were shy or quiet, but because you were so hot. Back then, I was a "watcher" of guys who looked like you. I didn't have the self confidence back in high school to approach any guy who was good looking.
Your words: "If only I knew then what I know now maybe the watchers alarm clock may have gone off a little earlier." rings so true.

Dorothy said...

Isn't it amazing how those things stay with you for life. I still remember how I felt in school.
Glad they made your day....Glad your a doer now, and not a too..

Dorothy from grammology
call your grandmother