Sunday, September 30, 2007

Homecoming

Son number 1 is on a weeks leave from Duntroon as of yesterday. The last two times he was down he stayed with me but spent a fair bit of time at his mothers which was of course "home". This time home is no longer available to him because it's occupied by a stranger and he has said that he will be staying with a mate rather than with me. Odd that now the daughters are accepting of my new living arrangements that my sons seem to be struggling with it.

Son number 2 is heading off to Townsville tomorrow with a couple of mates. He's told me he has work lined up and that for the first few days they'll be bedding down at a friend of a friends place until they can find one of their own. I've also told him that if it doesn't work out and has to move back here that I have a spare bedroom he can have.

I am sad that both of them are having trouble with the situation and I fully understand that maybe they think in some bizarre way that if they accept it they would be betraying their mum. But I'm the only one who has done that and that can't be changed. I trust that in time they will come around. At the very least I am hoping that son number 1 will be around for dinner maybe tomorrow night, and I'm sure we'll at least go to a movie this week, most likely on tightarse Tuesday.

11 comments:

paisley said...

i have a distinct feeling that your sons lodging preference has a lot more to do with partying and getting laid than it does with which parent he wants to stay with... face it hes a big boy... hes in the army now... he is ready to hang out with frineds and live it up on his free time... dont take everything so personal.....

i mean come on loz... if you were a young man on leave with just a few days to party and hopefully get lucky... where would you stay????

Loz said...

good point Paisley. No way I would have wanted to stay with my Mum and Dad

HollyGL said...

I agree with Paisley. I wouldn't worry about it. Even if there was some truth to your concern, trust me, it will subside with time.

Josie Two Shoes said...

I've gotta agree with Paisly here, you might be reading more into his choices than there is. I know it's a sensitive subject, but I swear that if you give them, they will all come around. You are their Dad, and they love you. It will just take time for them to accept the changes and the new realities of your life. Please stop being so very hard on yourself over all of this. Things happen, Loz, life happens, love changes. We all wish that wasn't so, but it is. We can't go back, we can only move on and try to build from there. It is going to get better, I promise!

Gypsy said...

I may have to draw my own conclusions here as I have only been reading for a relatively short time.....hopefully your sons will adjust to the situation just as your daughters now have.

You are doing the right thing and letting them know that your door is always open. One of these days I'm sure they will walk on through that door and all will be right with the world again. You're a good Dad Loz, just remember that.

Pen and the Sword said...

I can tell you from my own experiences being the eldest child of a divorce from parents who were married for thirty years that it just takes time. I had this weird issue with going to my mother's house for the longest time. I just don't know what it was. Some unknown, unsaid thing just made me not want to have to separate and differentiate between the two as parents. I had only ever known them as mom and dad... not My mom over here and My dad over there. Does that even make sense? I haven't had much coffee this morning yet :o)

Laurie said...

I agree with all of the comments here. My ex frequently asks me why the kids don't want to hang out with him much. I always tell him it's not about us anymore, the kids are wrapped up in their own lives. They blow me off just as much as they do him. They both don't give a second thought to inadvertantly hurting our feelings. That says something to the familiarity they feel with both of us. I wouldn't have it any other way. I never wanted the kids to walk on eggshells with either of us, and believe me, they don't. Don't worry Loz, it's a good thing.

Jeff said...

I tend to agree with the others. However, knowing that kind of feedback is unstimulating, I offer another thing to think about.

Females tend to be more thoughtful and emotional than males. Males tend to me more emotionally distant. Therefore, the sons may just not want to deal with all the complexities of the relationships so it is just easier to keep a little more of a distance.

I still tend to agree with the others, though. ;)

Lady Penelope said...

Life in Canberra late 80/early 90, Duntroon boys, weekends off and night clubs. You just had to wink at one of these boys and they would buy you drinks all night. I am sure that not much has changed!

These guys would get out, get drunk, get laid and get the routine of 'the life' out of their system for the short time that they had. They don't want be asked questions about any aspect of their life, and they don't want any routine.

A relationship will be formed with him as an adult soon, how exciting to see how it all works out !

Loz said...

Thanks folks - you've all helped me to put it into some perspective, which is difficult from the inside at times :)

Dorothy said...

Loz my grandson Gary is home for 4 weeks from the marines, and he's seen his mom and dad the least. He stays here a lot, because it's central to his roaming grounds. And paisley is probably right he doesn't want his social life monitored....
However, it is a good thing, that you offer the support if he needs it. Your a good father....if by some chance, it is the other, just give him space and time...and when he's ready to talk,let him..without judgment.

Dorothy from grammology
call your grandma
http://grammology.com