Saturday, July 7, 2007

X's Response

My ex wrote apologising for the nieces outburst saying she didn't understand why she had done it and that she shouldn't have felt the need to say anything at all. She also said that she had stopped reading the blogs and that someone else had told her about the last few posts.

She also told me that I needed to stop apologising, that it served no purpose to keep living the guilt and that it was time for both of us to move on guilt free. She hopes that I can look to the future instead of re-examining the past. Now I think that I can only really do that if I do keep trawling through that past but I don't see that as an unhealthy thing to do.

Very gracious and brave things to say. I truly hope that one day we will be friends again.

9 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

Wow, Loz! That was a truely gracious message from your wife. Especially about not continuing to live with the guilt. Many ex's in an unhappy situation would love the revenge of their ex-partner bearing the burden of guilt forever. It sounds like she is forgiving and wants you to focus on moving forward. I'd say this is a very positive note toward a future friendship. When many years are spent together, there are a few good memories that remain in the heart. I agree that there is sometimes a need to rexamine the past, so that you can understand what went wrong and learn from it. I think she is saying not to dwell there too long. Live in the present, focus on the future, and look back when you can do so dispassionately, with the eye of a scientist instead a burden of guilt. We all did things we deeply regret in relationships, but the past is the past. Step one is to forgive yourself. I am glad for you that your ex sent this message, it was one your heart needed to hear.

Jod{i} said...

I agree with Josie...
This is an incredible push forward and acknowledgement for you. I do hope that her words help in some way. Although our re-examining the past will, in some ways, assist us in moving forward.
Peace

Finn said...

Class act, that one.

paisley said...

see there loz... even the ex wants you to be happy... and i know you want the same for her... so let have some fun!!!!!

Beth said...

Laurie,
I am glad that the truly important people in this - you and your ex wife- are able to see what is important. We each heal in our own way and if looking at the past helps you, then keep doing it. We are all here to help you on your journey...

HollyGL said...

She (your ex) is right, Loz. Its funny, I understand having to sort through the past to be able to move toward healing today. That said, I always try to remind myself that the majority of my focus should be on the present and the way I envision my future, in order for me to be able to evolve emotionally and psychologically.

Sandi said...

I have to agree with the rest. That was an outstanding letter from your ex..and I *do* think you will be friends in the future.

Loz said...

Thankyou all for commenting and supporting me. I thought a lot about deleting everything here over the past few days but I feel like I'd be losing friends if I did.

Jeff said...

I really don't have any more to add except that I think you are fortunate that your ex sent that to you. I would take it as "permission" to do just what she suggests. Don't forget the past and the paths that brought you where you are, but don't torture yourself with it either.