Wednesday, July 4, 2007

From My Niece

Hi Laurie,
I would say uncle but that is a title I reserve for someone I feel respect for.
I think after reading as much of your crap I could stomach, I was right in my initial assumption of you when all the shit first started, you are a wanker!
I feel you have caused enough latley without putting all details on the internet, really!
Get out a pen and paper, and write it down, No one else needs to hear all the shit you spill, Did you see that in you AURA!!

July 4, 2007 2:25 PM

I actually deleted this message from the manchild post and activated comment moderation to stop this sort of flaming from being posted. Then I thought that maybe I should post it and perhaps make comment on it myself.

This is from my niece, and I guess the first thing to say is that respect is a bit like virginity, once it’s lost it’s very hard to get it back. So Amanda, I respect your feelings for your aunt and perhaps everything you say about me is true. I’ve called myself worse over the last few years and nothing anyone else can call me will wipe away those feelings anyway. So go ahead and vent. Maybe you can tell other people what you’ve said here and how proud you are that you’ve had a crack at me.

A wanker because of what? I know what I did far more than what anyone else does, you included, but at the end of the day it isn’t really any of your business. You don’t have to read any of this if you don’t want to. If you are really concerned about the feelings of other people you won’t discuss it with them. But the problem with gossips is that they can’t keep things to themselves, they have to talk about it with other people even when it isn’t really any of their business.

Other people have told me not to write as well and there are many things I have written that aren’t up here, but just so we are on the same page let me say this. I regret the hurt I’ve given to your aunt and the rest of my family. I am deeply sorry for that. I know nothing I ever say will be enough to explain why things happened the way they did and I don’t have any expectations of forgiveness.

Amanda, you too have had broken relationships, you may well have more in the future, despite how things appear to be going at the moment. That’s the thing about the future – it creeps up on you and has a way of turning in unexpected directions. I hope you are forever virtuous and that you are never hurt, or at least that maybe one day you’ll try and understand a little better than you do at the moment.

Reading this is optional, I’m not forcing anyone to read it. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Find something else to hate and don’t waste your time and energy on me. I’m a wanker remember.

I haven't decided if I'll leave this post up yet Amanda, but I expect you might check back in to see if I've commented. You'll certainly see that the comment on the original post has been deleted. Feel free to flame again if you must, just don't expect me to allow it to be published.


Goldy said...

You grow more complex by the day Loz. Sorry for whatever has happened in your past.

Jeff said...

It is interesting to see how some people have to deal with their issues. You are generous with your vent extension to your niece. I hope there is healing for everyone.

Josie Two Shoes said...

Oh Loz, my heart just hurt for you when I read this venemous comment. Does "Miss Sanctimonious" really believe that she's never screwed up in any of her relationships? The older we get, Loz, the more we look back and see things we wish we'd done differently, but there is no undo button, we can only learn from it for our future. It sounds to me like you are very honest about your past, just as I am. I've never seen you shining your halo up here. It's just too bad that dear, sweet Amanda felt she needed to bash you to somehow make herself feel better. Hurting someone never helps heal another. And, as we both know, life from the perspective of youth is so much different. She hasn't walked in your shoes, and certainly doesn't know the whole picture, only what she's been told. I think your respose was generous considering her intent. Carrying guilt for the rest of our lives, and accepting it from others, serves no purpose. God forgives, and at some point we must forgive ourselves and move on. I hope that Amanda never has to experience an attack like she made on you. I have little respect for HER now! As for blogging, and what you say here, it's YOUR blog, and your therapy... both flat-out none of her business. Good for you for moderating comments if that's what it takes to keep her acidity at bay.

HollyGL said...

Loz, I'm sorry about your neice's comment. I know how that kind of thing can break your heart. I'm guessing she is pretty young and has not yet lived enough of life to fully understand that we are ALL capable of many things - great and not so great. She will someday.

Loz said...

I certainly don't have a halo and I know that I have hurt people but I am learning a lot about myself at the moment.

I understand that some of what i have written won't go down well with some people but I guess if you don't like it you don't have to read it and you don't have to pass the details onto other people so they read it.

Amanda isn't that young, but I'm OK with her trying to stick up for her aunt. I have never said that any blame should attach to anyone other than me for what happened and I'll stand by that. If that means there are people wh won't ever talk to me again then that is there problem and there is little if anything I can do about that.

Be impeccable with your word.
Don't take anything personllay.
Don't make assumptions.
Always do your best.

Lessons I am still learning.

"Wolfgang" said...

You handled this so well. You know that she reacted this way out of pain and love. Those are lessons well learned, and you seem to be doing great.

paisley said...

loz, she sounds like a miserable little piece of work, and i would think there are unhappinesses of her own that are underlying her vile remark... you my friend, are doing the best you can with what you have... and we, your fellow bloggers are a part of what you have... we cherish you and your journey, and will not allow a discontent such as amanda to dissuade us in the least..... nor should you...touche..

Angelissima said...

power of the pen!
it is different to see a bloke posting (especially an Englishman!!)
with such detail and heart.

Blog ON!
I've been boiled in oil myself for crazy stuff on blogs, you are not alone, my friend.

Random Magus said...

Wow.. she sounds really mean and a bit crass.
I think what you have done is; put her in her place in the classiest manner possible... because even those who don't know you can just compare her tone and choice of words and articulation and your calm eloquence... you come out with far more finesse.
The person who has to shout to be heard is not saying anything worthwhile in any case...
Great going!!!

OMYWORD! said...

Well. These things you are going through are foremost on my own mind. I've spent 50 years keeping my mouth shut but now I blog my little brains out. Most of my family doesn't read my writing. I am very different from all of them. And being different is not rewarded. I've been waiting for the inevitable blowback. It has been a huge risk for me to write so publicly...and a huge pleasure. I know it takes guts to do this. Thanks for taking the risk and letting us get to know you.

Loz said...

Wolfgang - thanks, she's right in saying I hurt people.

Paisley - I do value what each of you say. Other people don't understand that this is acutally a community and one from which those of us are wounded souls can find some help.

Angelissima - I've never been called an Englishman before, not something an Irish Australian is used to :)

Amber - thankyou. I hold no malice toward her at all.

Micki said...

I can't really add to what has already been well said, but just feel that I want to. She is young, hurting, seeing people she cares about hurt which makes her angry and she is too young to be equipped to deal with it. She spills it all onto you because she doesn't know any other way.
You are true to yourself and that is all you can be. The love you have and are capable of is very evident in your writing. She will see it in time.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

Hmmmm, well, you MUST see when things come through out of anger and it is most likely hurting her worse than it is hurting you. (I hope you can see it that way anyway). When I got divorced a few years ago, I got bombarded with legal mail and personal mail about being a bad person, bad mother, bad wife, bad woman, etc...I got phone calls from "friends" chewing me out, etc. It got to a point where I realized that even if it gets me down, I know who I am and how I feel about what happened and others are just putting their own judgement on it. (kind of like what you say in your response to her). Chin up.

Daughter number 2! said...

when did Amanda send that 2 you?

She can state her own opinion but i now see that you right on here what you want to get off your chest!

and she had no right to say that 2 u!!!

Laurie Anne said...

Loz, I feel bad that you had to "hear" those comments, but I also feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only one who gets "surprises" from family...and I revel in your wise words to be responsible with words....and to filter the harmful ones out. Your daughter is lovely, by the way.

Loz said...

Thankyou Laurie Anne - I've never claimed to be perfect nor tried to put blame on what happened on anyone other than myself. I am grateful that some people see that and judge me accordingly.