Thursday, July 5, 2007

From My Niece Too

My niece did reply and I have posted it here as a new post rather than a comment -

Laurie,

I am unsure if you will keep this response up, but thought I would send a quick reply due to all the comments I attracted by my earlier entry to you.
My original comment was triggered by anger and frustration, that had been brewing towards you for some time, I could have handled it better, but I do not regret what I said, as you know me, and you know I say what I feel, a good quality maybe not always, but I stand by what I said.
I find this very immature to even respond to these peoples comments , they dont know me, and they only know of you what you want them to know, There are two sides to everything and I know from reading these pages and knowing you and how very clever you are with your literacy and abilitys to write a journal, (something up until now I have admired), I know you are very clever in your writing and how you put things across to others is very well done, but I still say all fiction, you have buttered things up to seem like you are the one wearing the "Halo", as someone said.
In respect to your reply to me about the future catching up on you, I find that rediculious comment, you make your future, you dont just wake up one morning and discover you have hurt your life long partner, it dosnt just happen, all choices YOU made , no amout of sweet talking can change that, it dosnt sneak up on you.
I know my aunt will flip at me for this, but you put this out there for people to read, you are clearly seeking something from it, otherwise you would keep it private. I can understand that you would be seeking understanding and sympathy from people, given your situation, but is it all valid when it is coming from people who dont know you and only hear your side of things.
You decieved alot of people Laurie, not just your immidiate family, alot of people felt betrayed by you, including me.
This is my final comment to you, I wish you luck in your new journey, dont forget what it took for you to get there though and the people along the way.
As for your blogger pals, I will not stoop to retaliate to them.
Amanda

*********************************************

Dear Amanda

I have never denied I lied, or cheated or that I hurt people, your aunt in particular. If by betrayal you mean that I turned out to be something different to what you thought I was, I plead guilty. I've turned out to be something different to what I thought I was too.

I have never claimed that I wear a halo. And of course this blog is from my perspective, I’m the one writing it. I didn’t tell your aunt about this blog. she found out from someone else, nor did I tell you so I therefore assume you found out from someone else too. I also assume that if you truly believe this should be private that you won’t pass the information onto anyone else. In lots of ways I wish I’d written it anonymously, it might have made things easier.

By saying that in your opinion all that I have written is fiction, you just confirm to me that you don’t know me at all. Not your fault, I don’t connect with many people, certainly don’t reveal everything to everyone. You can call that clever writing too if you wish. This is all part of my journey of self discovery. My selfishness if you like. Nothing is “buttered” up here, I am not looking to justify my choices, nor looking for vindication or forgiveness.

This is actually the only place I have told part of my story, with the exception of my Counsellor. I assume that the rest of the story, the other side if you wish to call it that, has been told to other people by other people, maybe even by yourself. Certainly someone is telling people who know me about this blog and it's not me.

Despite what you may think about my “blogger pals” I have gotten solace from their comments and their long distance companionship. I don’t expect people to understand that either. And yes, it is as valid as anything. Weird the places you can find friendships.

My comment about the future had absolutely nothing to do with a denial that I made choices. It has everything to do with the fact that we don’t have any real idea what the future holds – thus it creeps up on you. I won’t go into the choices you’ve made here, other than to say that you too have made some that affect other people, and whether you like it or not, you will have to live with them. And right here, right now, you have no idea how that will turn out and whether the people affected will understand why you made the choices you have made on their behalf. If you want me to clarify that cryptic comment you know where to find me.

One final thing – don’t keep making assumptions about what you think my motivations are – I am not seeking either sympathy or understanding from anyone. This is about understanding myself. Sometimes a comment from someone else can make you look at things in a different way and that for me is a good thing. I don’t need to justify it to anyone.

Believe it or not I am sorry for the hurt, sorry I didn't turn out the way you and all those other people you mentioned thought I would. I suppose you think that this apology is all about making me seem better than I am but nothing would be further from the truth.

Your Uncle Laurie

PS to my blogger friends - thankyou for your support, no point in keeping any flame wars going here. I deserve the anger and I'm not going to get bitter and twisted about it. I guess in some quarters it really won't matter what I say or how I say it, it may all appear to be self serving.

7 comments:

Finn said...

Amanda, grow up. Life is not black and white and people make mistakes. Listen to your own words -- there are two sides to every story. There are, in fact, three: his, hers and the truth (usually somewhere in between).

I've read nothing here that indicates Laurie is proud of what he's done to your aunt. Quite the opposite actually. He's trying to make his peace with it and learn from it. It's not for you to forgive or not forgive him because it's not about YOU.

As he said, if it bothers you to see him discuss his life here, don't read it.

Jeff said...

When there has been hurt and/or perceived betrayal, people seem to find a need for some kind of justice. I guess that is what we are looking at here. Hurt is hard on everyone the hurter (who often also is hurt by it), and the hurtees. There is this "something has to be done" feeling that yearns to be satisfied.

The thing is that there is no satisfaction except knowing things are what they are and all must move on - whatever "on" is going to be.

Josie Two Shoes said...

I think you did a wonderful and very honest job in your response to this one Loz. Hang in there, life must go forward. No purpose is served by beating dead horses.

paisley said...

bravo loz, bravo!!!!! i say this is your blog and i come here to read about you and your journey... if amanda has anything else to say i think she ought to get her own blog... and who ever is interested will meet her there....

in the mean time dont change,,, before your ready to,, for anyone....

Jod{i} said...

Just as an observer...I do beleive the statement was made, "Two sides to every story" And yes there is...when people are OPEN to hearing both sides and remain nuetral...No One is an ANgel, no one.
It is sad and it is hurtful...and to be so banal as to say that is life...it is. DOesnt make the wrongs right, but TWO people live the relationship not one. ANd to take sides in a relationship is just plain stupidity. No one lives that life but those two people. One may not agree with some one's choices, but heck it appears that too many OTHER people carry a grudge and it wasnt even inflicted upon them.
Your neice needs to have a bit of respect just in general. TO start a comment off as she did was to incite, to hurt to anger. To push those buttons.
I can understand feeling empathy for someone who may have gone through some emotional pain, brought on by anothers choices. I get that...Yet it is NOT your duty to seek revenge or displace whatever anger you hold.
I am more insulted that she attempts to write as if she knows us the readers. And on the other hand, we only know ONE side of a story. Did it ever occur to one, that hell maybe others get what Loz is writing. Having lived it. From both ends? No, because just making the point filled with anger was more the endeavor than to actually maybe listen(read).
Whatever wrongs a person has made in life, it is not for me to judge or to make an opinion. ANything I, or anyone else to say, I am sure Loz is fully aware of disappointment, or the taken back looks. People shouldnt judge people based on what they "know". Does it blow? SUre. But dont cast judgement on pple You do NOT know, as I have not of you.
I get the hurt. THe Anger...I am sure there are other more positive ways to spend your hours, then to stoop yourself into other people's lives.

Sorry Loz just had to say...

"Wolfgang" said...

Once again, you've handled this very well Loz. I don't think you ever claimed to be an angel. I think most of your readers know human nature well enough to know that you've made your own choices and mistakes, as have the rest of us. We often bring misery to ourselves. I know I am no angel. Yet, through grace and compassion, we deserve to be treated as human beings. All of us. Even the worst... which you are certainly not. Keep moving forward, that's all we can do.

Worldman said...

Loz, I am not going to say much. My fellow preceeding commentors already said a lot. Just this: I am 1'000 percent with you.

Have a nice day. Peter