Friday, July 13, 2007

Big couple of weeks

It has been a big couple of weeks. Son number 1 staying with me for a month - water, electricity and gas bills quadrupled in that time, but absolutely terrific to have him here. He returns to RMC Duntroon on Sunday, will be down for a week in October and all being well, will grduate on 11 December this year. Shortly after that he will join his unit wherever that happens to be - likely in either Queensland or the Northern Territory and I guess will be off overseas at some stage next year.

Then there was the drama of the Amanda incident. I really am not sure how many others who know me are reading this, but I guess there will be some who judge and those who gossip, perhaps even some who do forgive. I was grateful for the email from the ex stating she did forgive me and that she was now looking forward to moving on.

With that also came a letter from her solicitor seeking settlement and we are working through that. I got advice from a solicitor as well who said that the settlement was within the realms of what a court would order, but if we go to court it could end up costing thousands in legal fees, so we won't go down that path. I have been paying well beyond what I am legally required to as far as child support goes and will continue to do so despite my solicitor advising against it. I figure that I don't want to force a sale of the house and I need to maintain that level of support if I want my kids to stay in the family home for the forseeable future. Our youngest is still only 13 so that will be at least until she turns 18.

Tomorrow is my birthday and despite the fact that the separation is now more than a year old I still hate these sorts of anniversaries. Not that I want to go back, just that they do make me sad - when will that sadness end?

I was planning to spend the day with my kids but daughter number one is working and son number two is going to the footy. I will turn up at daughter number two's basketball game tomorrow afternoon for the first time since she told be to stay away. I hope she doesn't mind that. All of the kids and I will be going to my sister's who has asked us over to celebrate my birthday.

I will be having dinner with my new lady and some work colleagues on Sunday night. One of them mentioned today that maybe my sister is giving me a surprise party and I laughed because apart from family there is no one to ask. My mate Ian is still overseas and I don't see anyone else from before separation so I am expecting that it will be with my two sisters, their families and my Mum which will be nice.

I do look forward to the time when the two sides of my life will merge and there is no discomfort from anyone associated with any side of my life. Maybe that won't happen till my ex does find someone else and everyone sees her happy again. At least that's what I hope.

I haven't really been affected by milestone birthdays before but I have to say turning 50 is a bit scarey. Moving into my second half century with the end of life likely at some time in the next 50 years. I've called it the rush of years before, that feeling that life accelerates as you get older. As a kid I used to measure life by birthdays and Christmas, now both seem to come up far too regularly. I think it was Woody Allen who said "I'm not afraid of death, I'd just prefer not to be there when it happens."

34 comments:

"Wolfgang" said...

Happy Birthday, Loz! I wish you the best of days and a year filled with peace, healing, health and happiness.

"Enjoy when you can. Endure when you must." - Goethe

Holidays are always hard when we no longer have someone in our lives that were involved in the celebration of them previously, whether through divorce, death, relocation, whatever. It's still painful. Time does make it better though.

I understand what you mean about the "slipperiness" of time. In Stephen King's story "My Pretty Pony" from Nightmares & Dreamscapes, he says there are three kinds of time: long time (the carefree days of childhood), my pretty pony time (most of our adulthood until about age 60), and short time (the final stages of life). What he means by "my pretty pony time" is that time is like a pony. It can run as fast as the wind or prance as slow as it wants, but you cannot control its speed no matter how hard you tug on the reins. It is a pretty pony, wild and unbroken. I think that's what motivates us to look for more satisfaction in our relationships and careers as we get older. That seems to be the point of most mid-life crises.

"Time is a pretty pony, with a wicked heart." - Stephen King

Beth said...

Laurie;
I think the pain will subside in time - it took me a good 5 years to get over the old anniversaries, but now I can't even remember any of them. I think if we make a conscience effort to learn from everything and admit mistakes, it goes faster.
PS - what is a footy???

Finn said...

That sounds like Woody to me! I quite agree.

Happy Birthday my friend. I hope this new decade brings you enlightenment, understanding and happiness. May you find what you need, and may peace reign in your world. xo

I'm at the brink of a milestone birthday as well (next month), so I can relate to exactly what you're saying...

Josie Two Shoes said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW, LOZ! Ahh yes, I know the Big 5-0 ruminations quite well. It seems weird to accept the fact that life as we know it is now more than half over. How did the first half go by in such a blur? And yes, you know that I am familiar with the sadness of separated families and lives started over. It is my prayer that by next time this year, both you and I will find life far happier. Sounds like you are well on your way to that, if old friends leave us, time to make new ones! You are also probably right that your ex-wife will be more in tune with friendship when she also moves on with another. Life is very messy, but somehow we get thru it. I hope you have a lovely time with your kids, mom and sisters - turning 50 isn't so painful, just another number. And as it is said, better to have a birthday than the alternative! I always celebrate mine as having survived one more year - you've survived a rough one too, and from here on out things will get better. Let us believe that the best years are yet to come.

Epimenides said...

I wish you a VERY HAPPY birthday loz!

Jeff said...

I'm right there with you. I am not going to be 50 next week, but I am racing closer and closer. Twenty years used to be lifetime; now it was jut the other day. 1987 doesn't seem that long ago, does it?

HollyGL said...

Happy Birthday, Loz!! I hope your day is filled with wonderful surprises, and your friends and family remind you in all sorts of ways of how very much you are loved.

Loz said...

Wolfgang - you amaze me with the number of relevant quotes you come up with, both on your blog and in your comments. I love the pretty pony analogy.

Loz said...

Thankyou Beth - Footy is our vernacular for Australian Rules Football. I forget that we use slang that others may not recognise :)

Loz said...

Finn - I'm sure your milestone will give us all something interesting to read when the time comes

Loz said...

Josie - thankyou once again and of course the best years are yet to come, but sometimes morosity [if that's a word] makes us forget that :)

Loz said...

Epi - thankyou, it would be more pleasant spending it in the Greek Isles than a Melbourne winter. By the way - did you know that Melbourne is the third largest Greek city on the planet?

Loz said...

Jeff - 1987 was yesterday and that is said by someone who thinks 1974 was yesterday

Loz said...

Steph - thankyou too for your support in the short time our paths have crossed

Random Magus said...

Happy Birthday - hope its a wonderful year and everything meshes together for you!!

Loz said...

Thankyou too Amber and also for being one of the original commenters on my blogs :)

paisley said...

happy birthday my friend... it is indeed a milestone... but a good one.. the first fully earned on your own in your new life... look back with pride... you have come a long way... and with the pace you have set for yourself... have far to go,, and many years to get there...

XXXOOO

Beth said...

thanks for explanation! Happy Birthday my dear...

Loz said...

And thank you too my friend Paisley. I'll not only enjoy my journey but yours as well

Loz said...

You're welcome Beth - explaining the word is much easier than explaining the game

Epimenides said...

Yeah loz! It's amazing! And if I'm not mistaken it's closely followed by Astoria in NY! We do move around, don't we? :)

Anne said...

Happy Birthday, Loz!

Loz said...

You sure do Epi, almost as much as Irishmen

Loz said...

Thankyou Anne and Happy Birthday to Ian too!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Laurie,

I'd like to wish you all the best for the coming year.

Although this is the first time I have written on this forum, I have followed your journey and appreciate all you have shared with us. You have helped me on my own journey.

The healing process does take some time, but please take my warmest good wishes as you step into this second half of your journey.

As the beautiful new song "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas says -
"Let your clarity define you."

Jenny xxx

Loz said...

Hi Jenny - thankyou for the wishes, how about you start a blog too ;)

Worldman said...

Happy Birthday from me too. And it seems that I have (by coincidence) a "gift" for you. Check my satuday post and you will see why.

Have a nice weekend

Peter

Loz said...

Congrats Peter and thankyou for passing it onto me. A great birthday present :)

Anji said...

I saw that it was your birthday on Peter's blog; Happy Birthday!!

People in the Sun said...

Happy birthday. And don't worry about it. You know what they say: fifty is the new forty-nine.

Pen and the Sword said...

Happy birthday, my fellow cancerian, a day late! As the old saying goes, better late than never!

Wow, you are a great writer. I really must come by more often :o)

Loz said...

Anji, People and Pen - thankyou for the visit and for the wishes :)

candoor said...

Happy Birthday :)

I admire your use of words to discuss things with yourself and whomever might care... as you may have noticed, I do it too... hope it's working for you as well as it works for me... sure feel better when all the stuff is out of my head :)

personally, sadness over the losses and mistakes of life never ends for me, I just learn to celebrate the good times and respect the sadness because the sadness tells me I didn't waste my time because it was something worth doing and worth remembering...

Loz said...

Thankyou Candoor and you're right sadness needn't mean decisions made are the wrong ones