Wednesday, July 18, 2007


“But though falling autumn leaves may reveal skeletal branches, spring reclothes the wood; a beloved grandmother dies, but as compensation for the loss, her grandchild enters the world strong and curious; when one day ends, the next begins, for in this infinite universe there is no final conclusion to anything, definitely not to hope. From the ashes of the old age, another age is born and birth is hope.”
- Dean Koontz, 1987 Twilight Eyes, W.H.Allen & Co., London, p.9

And so life goes on! Turning 50 has made me look back on the last 20 years in particular and the people who have left this world, together with the ones who have entered. Life does ebb and flow – death comes to all, but the circle continues to turn and for each person gone, many more have entered my life. Some have passed through, others joined me for a while along the way. In the end though the last journey is one we all do alone.

I don’t wish to be maudlin here but looking forward I know that the next twenty years will also bring great change. My Mum is 77 next week in the seventh month of the seventh year of the 21st century, which happens to be three times 7, all of which proves that you can look for 7’s in most places, and come to any conclusion you want to about that. But I know for sure that it is likely that she will leave at some time in the next 20 years and I hope in a dignified way and still in full possession of her marbles. I’ve seen several loved ones with dementia and the hardest part is that you can’t tell the moment that they have finally gone. It is the lingering that hurts more than anything.

I look forward to watching the continued change in my children as they grow older and reach adulthood themselves – I hope that they give me a little more credit for intelligence and good humour than I remember giving my parents. I wish more than anything that the distant father I seem to have become in the past few years is one that they seek out and whose company they enjoy. I fear growing old without them.

Time now for living, for company, for something other than work, an overseas trip, an exploration of space as well as that of time and self that I have been on for the past year.

What I want to conclude is that it is perhaps time to live like I was dying.


mrsnesbitt said...

Hey....I am 51!Proud too! All the best people are!

Anonymous said...

I'm hitting this 'milestone' next month. In some ways I'm looking very forward to it, in others, not so much.

I'm pretty fortunate that time really hasnt 'marked' me all that much, at least not in the physical sense. But in other ways, it's left deep furrows. Like you, I also hope to make time for living and all that entails.

Here's to you... Happy B-Day!

Rhea said...

Hey, great song and sentiment. I never would have heard that if not for you (I'm not a country fan). Thank YOU!

Finn said...

That was both inspirational and terrifying. I'm only a decade behind you -- I need to look to you for guidance!

Beth said...

Wonderful sentiments to live by - every time I get caught up in the "crap" of daily life, I listen to this song and remember cancer almost took my life. Somehow, those things don't seem quite as important anymore...

Jeff said...

They say it's your birthday. It's my birthday, too, yeah.

Happy Birthday to us.

Theresa111 said...

Embrace the kids and trat them as equals. this way you cannot help but gain their good opinion of you. When we are kids we tend to disregard our parents because we thought we knew it all. Well at least for a few of those adolescent years. Happy belated birthday.

"Sleeping Kitten - Dancing dog!"

Josie Two Shoes said...

Amen,Loz... excellent post!! I so agree with starting to live like we're dying! I love all the introspection in your blog. So often you are dealing with topics that I'm reflecting on too - it must be a mid-life thing! :-)

Pen and the Sword said...

I (((LOVED))) this post, Loz. I feel the same way about aging and my hopes for my children as you do and I am a deal younger than you. But really, aren't we just as old as we feel? Metaphorically anway ;o)

Pen and the Sword said...

I just wanted to add that I was just listening to the Flaming Lips' 'Do You Realize' and it totally made me think of your blog.

Loz said...

mrsnesbitt - thanks for dropping by, I'm getting used to the idea but I still feel about 26 :)

Seiche - sometimes we don't know how time marks us - this one did make me pause, and thankyou

rhea - glad you liked the song

Finn - the only words of wisdom I have is that the decades get shorter

Beth - we do need to "take the time to smell the roses" and forget the rush of years

Jeff - Happy Birthday to you too

Theresa - you're right, I am learning to respect them as grown people who can ask for advice if they want to.

Josie - I'm sure its a midlife thing

Pen - I hadn't heard that song before but it's on my playlist now.

Finally - thankyou all for commenting - the time difference means I aake each morning eager to see if anyone has's an ego thing :)

Blur Ting said...

Oh, thanks for bringing this song back. When I first heard it about 2 years ago, I loved it so much cos the lyrics were so meaningful, I'd sit by the radio waiting for the djs to play it again.

Don't worry about the kids distancing themselves. If you keep up doing your part as a good father, they'll realise it sooner or later. Don't give up!

Mid-lifer said...


Wrestling with my midlife status as I write. Just new to blogging and cruising for like-minded blogs and wanted to say Hi. Not sure I'm quite as comfortable in my midlife as some of you out there - but I'll get there.