Sunday, June 24, 2007

Mates

Son number one is down from Canberra at the moment and staying with me which is great. We talk all sorts of crap, both of us being comic loving, science fiction and fantasy addicted nerds. A chip of the old block in lots of ways - hopefully not the bad ones.

Anyway, yesterday we went over to see my Mum, who wasn't home, so we didn't actually get to see her. I'm not sure where she was but given it was Saturday she could well have been down at the TAB putting her bets on the horses, or maybe even having a little tipple on the pokies. Bottomline was we waited for around 15 minutes then I decided to visit my best mate, who lives about 1 kilometer away from Mum as the crow flies.

Now Ian and I have known each other since Primary School but became close after we left high school and have spent a lot of time together over the years on holidays and doing other things. We actually went to a football match together Friday week ago and saw my side Carlton absolutely belted by his side Hawhtorn but that's another story.

Ian emailed me dring the week saying that he'd had a good time [and so he should have - his side won by 100 points]. But what he meant was that it was good to catch up because our friendship has really been neglected in recent years. Not on purpose, just that both of us have been dealing with a lot of deeply personal issues. For my part, although he is the person closest to me who I maybe could have spoken to, I felt like I didn't want to burden him with any of my problems. That's a blokey thing to do I think, we tend to think it's better to keep things to ourselves.

Still I noticed that the friendship had been neglected when it was my separated wife who Ian rang when his brother died and not me. That stung, made me realise that maybe he was more important to me than I was to him. I'm not sure whether that's true or not, but it could be.

So yesterday when Mum wasn't home I thought it was a good opportunity to visit Ian even if only briefly. I knew he had other people coming around and that he was doing a lot of last minute stuff prior to flying out to Scotland next Saturday, but I wanted to make an effort to see him before we went away and whilst we only stayed for around an hour, it was good.

When I got Ian's email this week I replied saying that I was sorry that I hadn't been much of a mate for him over the last few years and that I'd like to try and fix that. He didn't reply.

6 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

Glad to read you are enjoying a visit from your son, Loz! Relationships do change over the years, even close ones, and not always in the way we would wish. I think the follow-up email you sent to Ian was a great start in rebuilding the closeness you once had. It told him you care and that he matters in your life Maybe he just didn't know what to say by way of response. (You are right that guys aren't always too good when it comes to sharing emotional stuff.) The fact that you enjoyed each other's company at the game, and then dropped by to say "hi", is a great start at getting back to where you were. Keep sharing your time and thoughts with him, and see if he comes around. I'm betting he will. The fact that he emailed you after the game, says he still values your friendship. :-)

Loz said...

Thanks Josie. I haven't been in a place where I was able to work on too many relationships for a while now, but that period is ending.

Josie Two Shoes said...

I've gone thru times like that too, Loz. Just coming to the end of one now - divorce court finals are tomorrow. The last few years have been one hellofa ride, and I'm just now starting to sort it all out and get back to reaching out to people I care about again. Real friends will understand and will still be there waiting for you when you do.

paisley said...

i have never been able to maintain a long time relationship.. i just seem to move on and disappear... but i am envious of even the fact that you feel close enough to drop in ,, and email ,, and that in itself would be a gift in my life...

Loz said...

Josie - the thing about relationships and there breakdown is that people often try to lay blame in order to understand what has happened. Sometimes there is no blame. It is as simple a thing as the fact that people change.

Paisley - you say that, but through your writing you have come to touch the lives of many. A different sort of relationship to be sure, but is it any less real than an email or a physical visit?

Josie Two Shoes said...

That is so true, Loz, people I thought were OUR friends, have floated away because I left him, yet having no real knowledge of why that was necessary. Sad, but I've learned to let go and move on. Not all relationships are meant to last, then it's time to let them go gracefully.

I agree with what you wrote to Paisley. I think that the time, energy, and emotion invested in online friendships makes them very valid and "real", even if we don't interact in each other's lives physically. The truth is we probably share more and know more about each other here, than we do with our next door neighbor or coworker.