Friday, June 1, 2007

The Inevitability of Hurt

I had a long chat with daughter number 1 last night – daughter number 2 does not wish to see or talk to me at the moment and has told me not to blog anything about it so I guess in doing so I may be in even more trouble than I am.

There is an inevitability of hurt in a marriage breakup. First and foremost a sense of betrayal of the aggrieved partner, maybe some shame, sense of bewilderment and fear for the future. There is also pain for the kids and a desire on all parts to know reasons why things don’t turn out the way you hope they are going to.

For me though there are no clear answers and that is something that I have tried to explain with a singular lack of success. I said to my daughter that I place all of the blame on myself. And I meant it, my wife tried for years to re-engage me and I kept myself to myself. There is no blame to be attached to my kids even though they may be wondering if they could have done anything differently. I hope that they all know that.

And now the healing has to start. The relationship with those people will be different but I hope will also continue to grow. There is always a sense of grief and even though I am the person responsible for that grief I still feel it. It may sound trite to say I’m sorry, but I truly am. There have been a lot of years of good times that cannot be erased, and I do not regret any of them, but it is also time for a new chapter, where everyone can move on and explore life anew, as scary as that may be.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

I'm no expert, but it seems that this kind of thing is going to have to contain a higher element of maturity for the kids to understand. Maturity, hopefully, will allow them to say "Hey, now is what matters." Everyone has regrets in their past. Yet, when we meet and get excited about someone new, they do not have to qualify their past to us. At some level, we must do that same courtesy to those that we just happen to know about the past. That takes maturity.

Again, I am no expert, but you did get me to thinking . . .