A long time ago I learnt that it hurt to trust. That to open oneself would lead inevitability to getting hurt. Somewhen the ability to trust was left behind. When a marriage fails that trust also fails, it becomes way too easy to lie, and to erect a barrier around feelings simply because it's simpler to do that than to confront them.
I did that and in doing it was not true to anyone least of all myself. Who did say "To thine own self be true." Something I've believed in but not embraced. The first step in learning to trust myself was to admit my infidelities to my wife and to leave the marriage, something I did 15 months ago. But it was still not enough, I still didn't trust myself enough to admit that it was possible to love someone else and that doing that was not something I needed to hide.
I was told once that I didn't have the power to affect so greatly what other people do, but that isn't true. People have been waiting for me to get my life sorted out and in waiting haven't been able to move on themselves. Time now to trust and to be true to myself. In doing that everyone caught up in my life over the past few years can also move forward.
Tonight I am having a coffee with my ex-wife so that the new boundaries in our lives can be set, so that the children [particularly my youngest] can know that there is no chance of things ever being as they once were. Tonight I tell her that I am in a relationship. She may already know that or at least suspect it, but for me there is no more hiding. I want to live again.