Particularly ordinary day today. You know the feeling when you anticipate something really good is going to happen and then you get an inkling that the opposite may be true. Nothing you can really put your finger on, just a feeling of dread that grabs the spine and knots the shoulders so bad that you've got to make a conscious effort to try and relax. And despite those efforts you can't seem to unwind.
The springs were wound way too tight for me last night. Didn't sleep. Felt crook in the guts and couldn't find that position in bed that would let me drift off. Tried counting sheep, spent hours watching the light show on closed eyelids and spent time trying to blanken my mind to find that spot where I could retreat and take stock even if just for a couple of hours.
There are days when things just seem to be on the edge of slipping away. Days when despite a sense of excitement that the apprehension just builds and fears become all consuming, when the future all of a sudden seems muddy again.
And in being in that unwanted place I am reminded of a quote from Norman Mailer's book - Armies of the Night -
Deliver us from our curse for we must end on the road to that mystery where courage, death and dream of love give promise of sleep.