Thursday, May 24, 2007

Daughter Issues

Last night I met my ex and we discussed boundaries. Whilst I can't say that it was a wonderful experience it is not a nasty breakup. However, after I dropped her home, I got a message from my youngest daughter saying that she didn't want me to take her to school this morning.

Last time I got a similar message I didn't deal with it for a couple of days, so this time I decided I would go around and sort it out immediately as best I could. Bottomline is that she has major issues with me being in a relationship with the lady she blames for breaking up her family. And that is a very simplistic view of what happened which she has no real possibility of understanding for a long time yet. The only way I can really deal with that is to make every effort to remain a part of her life and hope that as time goes on and she sees that I am happy that she will come around.

Kids as teenagers are very good at saying to parents that it is their life and that we shouldn't interfere, they are not so good at understanding that parents also have a right to make a life for themselves, and not have to bind their decisions by what they think may be best for their kids. At the end of the day that is a pathway to unhappiness.

3 comments:

Finn said...

For what it's worth (having been a teenage daughter myself once), I think you're making a wise decision. When my mother started dating my stepfather, I couldn't stand him. Not that I wanted my dad back, but it was just strange and foreign. Now I consider that man my father.

While your situation is different, she just needs time to get used to the idea. She'll understand eventually.

paisley said...

we spend so much more time in this world as adults,, that it is inevitable some day she will be thinking the exact words you wrote...

....teenagers are very good at saying to parents that it is their life and that we shouldn't interfere, they are not so good at understanding that parents also have a right to make a life for themselves.....

tigergirl said...

A lot of children don't like to see their Mother and Father split up and cling to the hope that they'll get back together again. Often they'll place the blame on one of the parents. When a parent forms a relationship with another person their hope is dented and they feel hurt, so they'll often lash out and try to punish. You're right, you too have a right, I'm sure it's just a matter of time - this is a very painful process for everyone involved.