For me the process of understanding midlife is all about confronting the choices I have made in life. It is of course a truism that hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it is important for me to try and understand the events that have lead me to become the person I am right now. I am not by nature a fatalist, I do not believe that everything happens for a reason. I think. Sometimes I wonder whether “higher powers” do influence what we do or whether that is a cop out to justify some of the decisions we make.
I see no real point in living with regret but I also recognise that is sometimes easier said than done. Midlife is about examining regret, sorting through the triumphs and tragedies of the past and trying to put them all into the context of the person we are today. It would be a rare person who has lived a life of no regret, and a rarer one who does not at times dwell on those things.
Often choices are made that impact greatly upon not only your own life, but that of people you really care about, and it is those things that it is necessary to understand so that regret does not become all consuming. Often it is not about being able to ask the forgiveness of others but to find it in our own hearts to forgive ourselves. And that is my struggle at the moment.